I Believe These Things

I believe in the gifts that we all came into this world with. As children, we were all filled with wonder, we didn’t question our gifts, we were passionate learners, we didn’t fear failure, we assumed we were lovable, we trusted our intuition, we saw the whole world with wonder and appreciation, we didn’t judge (ourselves or others).

I have never met a “stupid” person.
I have never seen an “evil” baby.
I believe that everyone has their own strengths, gifts and talents.
I believe that there are no bad people.

I believe that every human being has a primary need to be loved and, at a minimum, to be noticed (to get attention). This is an overwhelming need – children instinctively seek this with unerring determination.  When they are judged, when they are yelled at, when they are turned away, when they are not appreciated for themselves but expected to be something else, they adjust, they bury themselves, they pick up beliefs about what they have to be in order to be loved.

I believe that we often parent or interact with children, operating from the perspective of what we need, rather than considering carefully what our children need. What I mean is that when we’re feeling stressed, we’re tired, we’re worried about paying bills, we feel down or angry or afraid – then we snap at our kids, we yell at them, we tell them to be quiet, we get mad that they never listen to us, we tell them we don’t have time right now, we push them away, we tell them “not now” when they want us to play Lego, we say “later” when they want to sit in our lap and read a story.

How many of our actions and reactions are based on what we need in any particular moment? We need some rest, we need some quiet, we need less pressure, we need a break, we need them to just do as they’re told (not be another person arguing with us!). We complain that they don’t listen to us – but when’s the last time we really listened to them?

The catch is that kids don’t understand that we’re grouchy because traffic was horrible on the way home or because we feel stuck in a job we hate. They just hear that they’re doing something wrong, we’ve pushed them away so we must not love them, they’re not good enough as they are, they need to be something else to gain our approval.

We often don’t see our children as they are and as unique individuals. We expect them to be what we need them to be.

I believe that we all have baggage that we’ve picked up in life. As parents and teachers, we have to realize that we are handing our children the fears, expectations, and assumptions that we have “picked up” – often from our own parents, our teachers, our siblings, and our own experiences. Without self reflection and time spent figuring out what our own baggage is, we hand this suitcase full of lead to our own children, for them to carry through their lives.

It’s heavy, it weighs them down, it’s exhausting and it takes so much of their energy away from being their own, passionate, wonderful selves – and focuses it on just trying to carry all of this crap while pretending they’re still okay! That’s what we all do, isn’t it?

I believe that our children need to hear and feel from us that they are okay just how they are, that they are loved no matter what, that it’s okay to make mistakes (hey, mistakes are learning opportunities!). They get these messages from us through every word that we say, the way that we say it and the thoughts in our own heads as we say it.

I believe that the way to protect our children from a scary world is by helping them to maintain their authenticity. They need to know themselves – their strengths and weaknesses, their passions, their abilities. And they need to both appreciate and forgive themselves – accepting that they’re human, they are lovable and they have worth.

When you believe in yourself, you don’t fall for what the media tries to feed you (you have to be skinnier, you need to own a Porsche, you need to wear Gucci) – that’s all water off a duck’s back. Only when you doubt yourself do you listen to those messages and wonder if maybe they’re right?

When you have been appreciated for just who you are, not expected to be something else, you learn to follow your passions, to take risks, to learn from your mistakes – without fear or self-blaming, but with confidence and openness.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. – Gandhi

I believe that the only way to help our children maintain their authenticity is to find our own. There is no “do as I say, not as I do” in parenting or teaching – children are too intuitive and intelligent to fall for that.

Be the change that you want to see in the world. – Gandhi

I believe that there are two parts to making a change:

1. Knowing the change you want to make, learning intellectually, taking courses, understanding the concepts and the steps, consciously creating a vision.
2. Being the change – every moment of every day, actually making decisions that align with your vision of who you want to be, remembering how you want to be, speaking from your heart, acting according to your instincts.

I believe that there are many excellent books, blogs, dialogues, courses, workbooks, etc… to achieve the first part. Walk into any bookstore and you’ll find shelves upon shelves of parenting and self help books to tell you “how to”. So we read these books, we nod our heads (oh yes, that’s exactly what I need to do!), we try to implement these new strategies – and hang our heads in shame when we fail, when we can’t maintain it, when we fall back to our familiar patterns.

I believe that the hardest thing is to find the ways to move to the second part. How do we integrate our intellectual beliefs and the things we learn into our every day thoughts, words and actions?

I believe that there are some necessary components to making change real:

1. Motivation – why is this important?
2. What – What are we trying to accomplish? What do we need to teach our children? How do we be happier people? How do we create a more peaceful world?
3. How  to – tips, techniques, recommended resources
4. Real life stories – knowing that someone else is doing what you want to do makes it achievable, keeps you motivated, shows you the way. You can’t accomplish a change if you don’t believe it can be done!

This is what this blog is about – this is what I want to share.

Because I want to be happy.
Because I want my children to be happy.
Because all children should be happy.
Because I want the world to be a more peaceful place.
Because there are no bounds to what we can accomplish when we can believe in ourselves!